From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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