Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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