Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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