The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
