Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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