How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
