So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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