Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
