my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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