Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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