Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
