put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
