people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
