don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
