My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
