I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
