make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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