There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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