i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
