Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize