I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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