My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
