I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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