last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
