Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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