I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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