just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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