One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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