You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How does one acquire holy water?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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