Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
