I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
