Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
