did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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