o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize