Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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