Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
