if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
