I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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