Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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