apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
