I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
