my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
