you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
