In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
