so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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