she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just gift wrapped bread.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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