I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woke up backwards on a recliner
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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