This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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