just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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