Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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