When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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