i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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