I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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