So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
