she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
