as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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