I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
