last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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