Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
