Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
