so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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