Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
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My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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