Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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