There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
