remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
