I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
jump out the window naked night went bad
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
