I think I died a long time ago.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
