I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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