hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
