An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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