she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
