I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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