return my video game
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Randomize
