just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
