would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
