i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
