apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
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I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
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You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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