see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
