Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
