Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
