Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
