all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
